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I've been single for a while and I have to say.... It's...

 

I just realized my life turned out better than yours....

 

I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice...

 

Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being...

 

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or won't...

 

I'm getting really sick of underwear and responsibilities.

 

Single women aren't really that difficult to figure out....

 

I love you more than coffee but not always before coffee.

 

I don't need your advice on what I should and shouldn't eat....

 

Karma. You get on the wrong side of that shit. You're...

 

Thigh gaps are for flamingos. Eat a cupcake........ I...

 

Call me tomorrow and ask me if I give a shit. I just don't...

 
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