Good friends will talk about
their sex lives. Best friends...
|
I silently mouth the words
"What the fuck?" at
least 20...
|
Don't think you have bigger
balls than me. Mine had to
be...
|
Dear Lord, So far today I've done
alright. I haven't...
|
Attention:
I am a mother fuckin'
princess, and I should be...
|
Honestly, I'm so awesome
that I wish I could meet
myself and...
|
You know you're broke as hell when your bologna doesn't have a...
|
A recent survey of one person
revealed that 100% of me...
|
Sometimes I just want to
comment on people's
Facebook...
|
Waiting for someone else to make you happy is the best way to...
|
They say love hides in
every corner....
I must be walking...
|
If I had a dollar for every time
somebody told me to grow...
|
I accomplished a lot at work today.
I turned 3 pots of...
|
I know how to tap into my inner happiness. I pull out the cork...
|
Why don't we plan on meeting
back here in ten minutes to...
|
As long as everything is exactly
the way I want it, I'm...
|
It's not a muffin top.
It's a can of busted biscuits!
|
No that wasn't the sound of
me having an orgasm.
I was...
|
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