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The worst part of quitting drinking is the lack of excuses...

 

This summer I certainly wasn't "bikini ready" but I'm happy...

 

I'm not upset it's Monday. I'm upset because I have to wear...

 

I like my sarcasm like I like my bacon...laid on thick and...

 

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands....

 

I hate Mornings, People, My Job and Working Out. Other...

 

Smiling gives you wrinkles..... A resting bitch face keeps...

 

If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can...

 

It's Monday. I'm all refreshed and ready to hate my job and...

 

Listen... If someone tells you that you drink too much...

 

Pass me the parenting book so I can smack my kid with it!

 

My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick, especially...

 
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