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I silently mouth the words "What the fuck?" at least 20...

 

Don't think you have bigger balls than me. Mine had to be...

 

Attention: I am a mother fuckin' princess, and I should be...

 

A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me...

 

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I'm...

 

You know you're broke as hell when your bologna doesn't have a...

 

Sometimes I just want to comment on people's Facebook...

 

They say love hides in every corner.... I must be walking...

 

I know how to tap into my inner happiness. I pull out the cork...

 

I accomplished a lot at work today. I turned 3 pots of...

 

It's not a muffin top. It's a can of busted biscuits!

 

Last night I dreamed that I killed all of the saggers, all...

 

No that wasn't the sound of me having an orgasm. I was...

 

If I were a pimp daddy you'd be my #1 hoe because I respect...

 

I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to...

 

Sarcasm: Just one of the many services I offer.

 

I love how our common interest in getting fucked up, brings...

 

Keep rolling your eyes, bitch. Maybe you'll find a brain...

 
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