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If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg...

 

Looking forward to all the photos of everyone's Christmas...

 

A New Year lesson to learn: Never try to f**k up someones...

 

All I want for Christmas is your presence underneath my...

 

Please don't worry about buying me a Christmas gift this...

 

Grandparents are there to love and spoil your kids. They...

 

Bad girls like you don't go on my naughty list... you go in...

 

I wanted to get you something you don't have for Christmas....

 

Everyone is all, "I can't wait for Christmas." And I am over...

 

I made a mistletoe belt buckle for the holidays. Pucker up!

 

I was looking at your Facebook wall....I will send you a...

 

We all have that one family member that keeps us away from...

 

After this Thanksgiving I have decided what I want for...

 

Nothing for you whore.

 

No cookies this year. Here, swallow this Xanax and chill.

 

Santa, All I want for Christmas this year is an 8-hour...

 

I just love spreading Christmas Joy.... I'm sure that's not...

 

You'll know I'm your secret Santa if you get something from...

 

...not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse because the...

 

We wish you a bloated Christmas and a shit-faced new year.

 

To eliminate any chance of you being disappointed with...

 

My gift wrapping abilities are equal to those of a blind...

 

Here's to hoping my Christmas party doesn't become a tradition!

 

This is my favorite time of the year to be childless....

 

It's comforting knowing Santa will also be unemployed after...

 

Christmas is so much worse as you get older. It’s like...

 

Dear Santa, I know you're busy so can you just give me...

 

When I eat Christmas cookies I break out in fat.

 
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