Whoever said laughter is the
best medicine clearly never...
When a girl says "Whatever!"...
What she really means is
"Go...
When I grow up I want to
drive the Karma Bus.
I've been watching so
much porn lately that I
just spit on...
I wish I could find a "friend
with benefits".
And by...
Apparently everything
happens for a reason!
But wouldn't...
I really hate two faced people.
It's so hard to decide
which...
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Let's be heroes this weekend.
I hear there is a lot of...
If it weren't for the gutter, my mind would be homeless.
Early reports indicate we're all gonna get fucked up this...
My sarcasm slips out of my mouth,
like stupidity slips out...
You were once in your dad's balls.
Just thought I'd remind you.
If I give you a straw, will
you go suck the life
out of...
Whatever kind of look you were
going for, you missed.
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Hey, I found your business.
It was written all over Facebook!
Just in case you don't
remember, the line
to KISS MY ASS...
Hey you little shits.
Remember to respect your
parents,...
Sometimes I look at the
random crap I post on
Facebook and...
I only get drunk to make you
seem like more fun.
Some should avoid sarcasm.
Not everyone is talented
enough...
Vodka mixes well with everything,
except my decisions.
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By now, the wine should know
enough to come out of the store...
Legalize gay marriage... Or we'll
marry all your girlfriends!
I'm not saying she's a hoe
but she has had more
nuts in her...
I don't hold grudges bitches,
I remember facts.
Sorry ladies... Not tonight.
I'm going out to get drunk.
Well aren't you just a crazy
little banana double
dipped in...
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