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A girl can't live on wine and tea alone. We also need the...

 

I'm pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me...

 

Temperature was above freezing today. I celebrated by...

 

I'm still waiting for a "Kill the Stupid Bitch" GROUPON.

 

I see your swag and raise you a high school education.

 

I'd like to inform you all that I will be tearing shit up...

 

Ugly girl says something funny on facebook and gets no...

 

This beer tastes exactly like I might be texting you later.

 

It's all fun and games until your jeans look like they...

 

It's been one of those days.. ALL WEEK!

 

I like my women like I like my weekend. Short, filled...

 

Dear Men's cologne manufacturers, Please put a suggested...

 

Weed, drugs, clothes, and "swag" does NOT make you a boss....

 

I decided to go for a run today. Got to the end of my...

 

I'm sorry I'm saving this seat for a real man.. Not one who...

 

Impatient guy behind me at the stoplight thought it would...

 

Unless you're my reflection in the mirror or my penis.......

 

A moral compass is just a clock that isn't drunk enough.

 

When no one responds to your Facebook post, is it the same...

 

One minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder you're so...

 

There should be a workshop on how to be sarcastic....

 

Some people have the calm before the storm. I have the panic...

 

Started from the bottom now you're where? Bitch you still...

 

Facebook needs a button that says ... that's the stupidest...

 

To save some time, let's just assume that I'm always right.

 

I don't need you.... One asshole in my pants is quite enough.

 

I'm dizzy from riding your bi-polar coaster.

 

You're such an asshole that if they dipped you in...

 
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