I have nothing against
the horse you road in on...
but...
I stopped my Victoria Secret
over spending by
getting fat....
iBitch...
There is a SLAP for that.
I'm think I'm finally over my next boyfriend.
The next person that tells
me I have Anger Issues is
going...
I'm so gangster, I don't even
send an error report to...
Funny thing, I just got back
from "Perfectville".....
I...
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I seen the most beautiful painting
at the store today,
but...
I know the worlds not going to end
on 12-21-2012 because...
When I'm dead and buried, plant a walnut tree above my grave....
My inner June Cleaver feels
more like a hung over
Peg...
My biggest fear about death
isn't death itself, but that...
I like my women
like I like my pizza...
Hot, spicy &...
If thought bubbles appeared
magically above my head
I would...
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Sarcasm ...
I sprinkle that shit
on everything!
Sometimes I drink water to
surprise my liver.
People ask me if I exercise and I tell them I do crunches,...
Never go to bed angry.
Stay awake and plot your revenge.
Failed another job interview
today.
Apparently taking...
A woman without a man is like a
fish without a bicycle.
Some girls should be restricted from wearing yoga pants. I...
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I hope you have insurance
on that body, because you
just...
Time to put the coffee away.
I'm going to need alcohol
for...
Maybe I wouldn't need
to be such a control freak
if you...
Every morning I decide that today will be the day I do a juice...
Ever have one of those days where literally everything pisses...
Dear Lord,
Please let December 22nd
be the beginning
of the...
"FUCK IT" has gotten me through
a LOT of situations.
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