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I don't just have mood swings, I have the whole damn...

 

It's Friday the 13th. The only time you can blame the day...

 

I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them...

 

Am I the only one who listens to a butt-dial call hoping to...

 

Just because you can make your own e-card, doesn't mean...

 

Everyone just wants to be liked and accepted... Except for...

 

If Women ruled the world there would be NO WARS. Just a...

 

Nothing turns me on more than your self-portraits with that...

 

Keep on drinkin. "I'll be the woman of your dreams in no time!

 

Who cares about being a M.I.L.F? I'd rather be a M.I.L.H...

 

One day I hope to understand the phrase "more money, more...

 

It's one of those days where I want to light someone's...

 

Thank God it's Labor Day! That means summer is over and I...

 

See right here, I checked my receipt. I didn't buy any of...

 

Live today like it's your last day on earth. But pay your...

 

Today's kids will never know the satisfying feeling of...

 

You're such a slut they're naming a new social website after...

 

God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to...

 

I'm glad I have Boobs... The last thing I need is people...

 

Self Control: I'm great at telling myself when to stop my...

 

I want to f**k you so bad right now... Damn auto...

 

Today won't suck because it's Friday the 13th. You have...

 

Toys 'r Us phoned this morning. They want you to leave....

 

Congratulations on pointing out everyone's grammar mistakes....

 

Sometimes I wake up sad or depressed. Then, remember...

 

According to status updates, everyone I know is a free...

 

My death will probably be caused by being sarcastic at the...

 

I love days when I think I have my shit together. Matching...