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If I said you had a nice body would you hold it against.

 

You work here? I was about to have you picked up for...

 

I don't always take cheesy nude picture of myself, but when...

 

It's been a long time since we last met. I've just been...

 

I hope you step on a lego, bitch!

 

Not sure if I've told you lately, but you're fan-FUCKIN-tastic!

 

I know every day is a gift, but where's the receipt for...

 

Wanna play house? You be the door and I will slam you all...

 

Remember when 'friends' were people who showed up at your...

 

Run into ME while you're texting, and I'll shove that...

 

Sometimes I wonder how I became such a weird person......

 

Just another day in paradise... minus the paradise!

 

What doesn't kill us makes our drinks stronger!

 

I can't make it rain but I can sure make it drizzle!

 

You must be my new boss because you just gave me a raise.

 

If you think I'm a bitch you should meet my sister.

 

The word Awesome ends with "ME". Coincidence?.... I think not!

 

Boobs and botox won't give you class..... It just gives...

 

Let's talk about how Fanfuckingtastic I am.

 

They're not duck lips... It's called Twat-face.

 

Just another day in paradise! ...minus the paradise.

 

Remember when I say "Have a nice day" the f**ker is silent!

 

My Indian name is Chief Gassy Pants.

 

When I want your opinion, I'll Google it.

 

Men are attracted to confidence more than boobs, faces, or...

 

I'm not pregnant... just pleasantly plump.

 

Some days it's not even worth chewing through the restraints.

 

You talk so much crap, I don't know whether to offer you a...

 
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