Not sure if I've told you lately, but you're fan-FUCKIN-tastic!
I know every day is a gift,
but where's the receipt for...
I'm not psychic, but I can see
that if you don't shut up,...
People like you are the reason
people like me need medication.
Hi there! My name is Mr. Awesome.
The pleasure of meeting is...
Subway is the only place I can walk into and ask for a 12 inch...
Lead me not into temptation...
oh heck, just follow me,
I...
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What doesn't kill us makes
our drinks stronger!
I can't make it rain but I can
sure make it drizzle!
This chart clearly represents
the increase in bullshit...
I have so much to do today
that I'm going back to bed.
The most important health
tip you'll ever need to
know is...
It shakes like Jello and makes
the boys say hello!
Yes, I'll be happy to donate...
How does donating my foot up...
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They're not duck lips...
It's called Twat-face.
Just another day in paradise!
...minus the paradise.
Excuse me, but is that a
keg in your back pocket?
I only...
I finished your laundry, the ashes
are in the fireplace!
If you lived in my butt,
I would never fart,
cause you're...
Do you believe in love at first sight, or do you want me to...
It's Saturday... I intend on
spending my day doing as...
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Some days it's not even worth chewing through the restraints.
You talk so much crap,
I don't know whether to
offer you a...
I was dropped as a baby,
right into a pool of sexy.
If you're happy and you
know it... I'll have
whatever it...
Thank god you posted that
inspirational quote.
My...
Welcome to Monday!
Would you like cream,
sugar or Valium in...
My grandma said the
Internet has completely
ruined...
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