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My idea of a balanced diet is a cookie in each hand!

 

I'm sorry sir, did you say your child is passionate? I...

 

Duct tape + kids = silence. I'm just kidding... they're...

 

Things would be a lot easier if your Mother wasn't Satan.

 

The mother was nestled all snug in her bed, while visions of...

 

To all my family members who are finding out just what a...

 

Happy Thanksgiving to all the families still on speaking...

 

I'm in charge of how I feel... And today I'm going to feel...

 

It's incredibly easy to balance work & family when you don't...

 

Sure I can come over and babysit! I'll squeeze it in...

 

As you're bitching to me about another bitch, I can't help...

 

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their...

 

When we take family pictures we look so happy together,...

 

You know you're a Mom when going to the grocery store by...

 

I shook the family tree and a bunch of nuts fell out.

 

Please pass me that parenting handbook. I need to smack...

 

The last time Dad played with me I was still in his balls.

 

If you ever want to call a family meeting, just turn off the...

 

Sisters are for wiping tears, calming nerves, picking out...

 

Do not wake up Mom! There are at least 7 species that eat...

 

My life long dream has always been to become a stay at home...

 

Thank you family for putting empty cereal boxes back in...

 

My daughter wanted a Cinderella- themed party, so I invited...

 

Listen, b*tch. Before you start messing with my family,...

 

I'm not giving the kids a time out. I'm giving myself one....

 

Christmas is that magical time of year to sit down with...

 

I wanted to relax today and then I remembered... I'm a mom....

 

Nothing makes for better birth control than babysitting...

 
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