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Happy Easter to all the families still on speaking terms!

 

A lovely winter we're having this spring, eh?

 

Girl Scout Cookies combine two things I like best... cookies...

 

I'm giving up ALL my New Year's resolutions for Lent.

 

Remember back when we were kids and every time it was...

 

I'm so hot, at work I sexually harass myself.

 

Hey Santa, thanks for the triple chin you brought me this...

 

Dear IRS - I am writing you to cancel my subscription....

 

If you would agree to have sex with me tonight I'd be...

 

Do you have plans for Lent? Because I think you should...

 

Dear Mother Nature, Get back on your meds, slam a couple of...

 

That moment when one snowflake falls and suddenly everyone...

 

The first person I hear complaining about this summer...

 

It's so cold outside, hitchhikers are holding up pictures...

 

Mother Nature must be going through Menopause... Day 1:...

 

For April Fools Day, I think Facebook should switch the...

 

The hour we lose this weekend was the one I was gonna use to...

 

I would like to hang old man winter by his saggy balls!...

 

I'm gonna build an anatomically correct snowman..... Just so...

 

We just spent a load of money that we don't have on a load...

 

It's so cold that the local flasher was caught describing...

 

Dear Sluts, Please don't April Fools your friends & Family...

 

Happy First Day of Spring!

 

I say we give up alcohol for Lent to see if we really like...

 

Dear Mother Nature, Get back on your meds, open a bottle...

 

What, I paid in no taxes this year and I'm only getting back...

 

My New Year's resolutions would be easier to keep if we...

 

Leaving a warm bed on a cold morning is my personal hell.

 
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