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Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it...

 

Sometimes I feel guilty because I'm smarter and prettier...

 

If ignorance is bliss, then why aren't you a happy M***ER...

 

A small diet coke with your Super-sized Big Mac does not...

 

I almost had an "I need a guy" moment, but then I was able...

 

Let's play carnival... You sit on my face and I'll guess...

 

It was pretty easy to find you. I just asked everybody where...

 

A douche-bag of your magnitude could cleanse a whale's vagina!

 

I need a vacation, but I'm flat broke. I wonder how far a...

 

So you only date "bad boys". Then complain about how badly...

 

Roses are red, violets are blue, please take your pants off...

 

I'm not saying you're a whore. I'm just saying it's odd...

 

Your snarky opinion of my emotional status isn't improving...

 

Here's a thought... maybe you wouldn't have to mention you...

 

Your face is beautiful... like a picture. I'd like to frame...

 

I hope the bus you threw me under runs a red light and...

 

Crying about your broken heart all day wont help. Be mature...

 

Sometimes I'm amazed at just how much you can eat. Like,...

 

You are the reason I get up every morning. That, and I...

 

If there's such a thing as reincarnation... I hope I come...

 

I hate it when you undress me with your eyes! Use your teeth.

 

Tonight's menu is in your honor. I'm making Stuffed...

 

Don't be afraid of my Pit Bull... I'm 100 times more...

 

If and when I fart and you smell it, take a moment and let...

 

If you were a waitress, I'd order you with me on it.

 

I'm no bartender, but let me recommend a nice smooth shot...

 

Trust me, you can dance. ~Alcohol

 

It's not that I hate you, I'm just not necessarily excited...

 
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