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Let's behave this weekend in a manner that would render it...

 

As your best friend, I feel it's my duty to make the most...

 

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife...

 

I think I'll pass on the marriage thing. I would rather be...

 

Marriages don't fail. Wives fail.

 

You never realize how many people you hate.... until you...

 

I absolutely believe gay marriage should be legal. Why...

 

Now that we're married I can gradually show her all my...

 

I promise to be a great killing partner during the Zombie...

 

I'm in the mood to dance like an asshole. Will one of my...

 

The key to a happy marriage is to keep the fights clean and...

 

May your wedding be full of obnoxious drunk people and good...

 

If you weren't such an evil, selfish, conniving slut ... I'd...

 

Even if being gay WAS a choice who cares? People choose to...

 

Did you hear scientists found a new food that decreases a...

 

I don't always make bad decisions, but when I do, I usually...

 

Five years from now I'll be stabbing you with this same knife....