If I didn't have problems
putting a straw in a
Capri Sun, I...
It's scientifically proven
that stress is caused
by giving...
I appreciate you attending
the meeting today.
Today's...
If you were my boss, I would
have no problem sleeping
my way...
I'd have better people skills if I
worked with better people.
Guess what I'm giving up for lent?
This job! Pope out.
Good morning everyone!
It's Monday and I have a bad
case of...
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I'm too sober for this shit.
I'll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at...
Sometimes the best part
about my day is that the chair spins.
I got mood poisoning at
work. It must be
something I hate.
I'm busy but my assistant
will be happy to listen
to your...
Ma'am your Hoefax
came back and it
don't look good.
If I died and went to hell, it would take me a week to realize...
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Working here will slowly crush your
soul and squeeze the...
I live in fear of never being fired.
Did you hear the US Postal
Service is going to start...
If at first you don't succeed,
try doing it the way I told...
If you ever throw me under
the bus, you better
believe I'm...
For all of the taxes they take
out of my paycheck, the least...
I'm going to have to ask you
to turn down your stupid by a...
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I like to get on Facebook
to see who else is also
not doing...
Let's start by taking some notes.
I'm fabulous bitches....
According to our calculations,
you guys can retire 5
years...
Many of you were not slapped hard
enough when you were...
I wish I was an octopus so I could
slap everyone at once.
There is no use crying over
spilled milk. Spilled
coffee,...
My credit report said...
Return everything,
except for the...
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