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Good thing I'm judged on my actions and not my thoughts.

 

This beer tastes a lot like I'm not going into work tomorrow.

 

If I hear "think outside of the box" one more time, I'm...

 

Every day at work I wonder if this is going to be the day I...

 

Hey... I found your lips, they were stuck to the bosses ass...

 

The only difference between this place and the Titanic is...

 

I'm too sick to go to work today, so I have to make sure I...

 

Who needs a therapist when sarcasm gets me through the day...

 

You talk so much shit I don't know if I should offer you a...

 

I hate being so busy that I can't do personal things at work!

 

You certainly can't please all of the people all of the...

 

I'm calling in sick today. I have a bad case of...

 

I'll be happy to let you speak to my supervisor... Just...

 

Upon arriving at my job every Monday, I lock myself in my...

 

Wow.. you know how to use a filter! You should definitely...

 

Whenever someone says they did something "Like A Boss", I...

 

I suffer from Irritable Bowel Syndrome... I get annoyed...

 

Let's start the morning off right by saying go fuck yourself

 

Those who say there's no such thing as a stupid question...

 

You are one interruption away from the worst Customer...

 

I called a meeting to let all of you know, your stupidity...

 

Welcome aboard. The hardest part of your job will be being...

 

How about you silence your face until this cup is finished....

 

My boss's idea of a bonus is finding the change he forgot in...

 

I really don't have time for your self-esteem issues today.

 

Success is difficult to define. But for me, it pretty much...

 

People think that because you tolerate them at work you are...

 

If we work as a team we'll be more effective in hiding the...