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If my thoughts offend you: 1. I'll keep them to myself. 2....

 

Single women aren't really that difficult to figure out....

 

I have the book of people I don't like. You're on the cover.

 

I don't need your advice on what I should and shouldn't eat....

 

You can never really say what's on your mind, when your...

 

Call me tomorrow and ask me if I give a shit. I just don't...

 

I love you more than coffee but not always before coffee.

 

Being cremated when I die is my last hope for a hot smoking...

 

Thigh gaps are for flamingos. Eat a cupcake........ I...

 

I'd take a Nerf bullet for you.

 

I hate when people get all worked up about cursing. Bitches...

 

Did a cartwheel the other day, thinking it was like riding...