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When I watch you work it's like watching a blender without...

 

Life Regrets: I just don't want to look back and think "I...

 

Don't insult my intelligence by subjecting me to the lack of...

 

I can mix alcohol with anything. Except my decisions.

 

I love pretending I have the courage to quit my job.

 

If I can't be fixed with wine you're not using enough.

 

Forget piss and vinegar... I'm full of snark and profanity.

 

You can't fix crazy. All you can do is deal with it.

 

You remind me of a slot machine... People spend money on...

 

Summertime is almost over. So all you half naked people need...

 

I can't imagine my life without you... But everyone...

 

Sometimes I think if something so bizarre and twisted my...